Under My Own Power

 Written July 2005 after getting my first bike in over 20 years

Imagine for a moment, the classic picture of a father teaching his youngster to ride a bicycle, when for the first time, dad lets go of the bike and the child takes off under their own power.

The exhilarating feeling of freedom and empowerment that child must feel is a lot like I feel when I'm riding my new bicycle. I hadn't ridden in over 20 years. For over a decade, I'd been imprisoned by a combination of chronic pain, depression, binge eating disorder, and morbid obesity. Now, in the summer of 2005, I'm riding again. Not only am I exploring Portland's wonderful system of bike trails and bike friendly roads, I'm exploring this new version of my own body—the version that's 220 pounds lighter than the 2003 model.

After years of being isolated and sedentary, it feels remarkable to me to be able to propel myself all over town with the energy of my own muscles. Muscles that are efficiently fueled by the whole natural foods that now comprise the bulk of my diet. It feels miraculous to me that I am able to be this flexible and to maintain my balance with such ease. I may feel tired after a ride, but before long I feel as if I've added considerable to my net energy reserves. The more I ride, the more I can ride.

Once I paid for my new bike and outfitted it, riding is essentially free. It's way economical in every sense of the word. I don't have to worry about having enough money to fill the tank with gas or pay for car insurance. I'm not adding to the congestion and pollution in the city, I'm actually doing some small constructive step to help decrease those problems. Being out in the fresh air and getting exercise is better than going to a gym and is a serious mood enhancer and antidepressant. It's great no cost recreation and a chance to see nature in a way that you just can't from a car seat. It enhances my sense of independence and self-reliance without needing the big bucks many other sports and hobbies require. It offers me a wealth of choices in terms of where I want to go and what I want to do with my time.

The whole process of overcoming my binge eating disorder and shedding such a large amount of excess fat has largely been a process of self-discovery. Uncovering, layer by layer, the power that I'd given up, given away, or never realized was mine in the first place. Riding my bicycle is so analogous to the concept of recovery and self-empowerment. Bicycling is exactly the right tool at the right time to propel me into the next stage of my recovery.