Key Concepts Index

Perfectionism and perfectionistic thinking

Perfectionistic thinking is a pattern whereby a person considers their efforts to be either entirely perfect or entirely worthless.

Perfectionism, as it applies to shedding excess weight, is one of the most common traps to fall into. We feel somehow that we must "diet" perfectly. We use any small deviation from our ideal eating style to justify the self-abuse of a full out binge. Most of us know of the "I'll start tomorrow" syndrome. That is, we never really get started on the road to recovery because sometime during our first day we fudge a little. We tell ourselves that we've already blown it. Then we decide to go ahead and binge one last glorious time. We justify the binge by telling ourselves that we will start for real, tomorrow. Of course, we replay this scenario the following day and in effect, tomorrow never comes. We are stuck in the quagmire of all or nothing thinking.

Recovery is not a black or white all or nothing thing. Think "progress" not "perfection".

The fact is that recovery from binge eating disorder, compulsive overeating, and severe obesity, happens in the gray areas between black and white. The recovery process can be a little messy. The search for our own workable pathway is filled with ambiguity. The lines between what appears to be the right way and what appears to be the wrong way tend to shift over time as we heal and grow.

Failure – I think not!

Thomas Edison did not resent failed experiments. He said of a failure, "That's one more way it won't work, so we're closer to a solution." Edison was certainly achievement oriented, but he was by no means a perfectionist. He was willing to accept his mistakes as part of a process and move on. He said, "I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."

Imagine for a moment if Edison were a perfectionist. How would he ever handle the multiple failures he had before he developed a working example of one of his many inventions? He wouldn't have been able to tolerate the failures. He might have given up too soon or for fear of failure, never have tried at all.

Edison did not condemn himself for his failed experiments. To him they were like a springboard to help him reach his goals. He learned a lot about solutions by learning about what didn't work. This is an essential lesson for those of us who choose to recover from our eating disorders.

"Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person."
David M. Burns, MD - author of Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,

Recovery is a process

Give yourself permission to be imperfect—to recover imperfectly. That doesn't mean we throw discipline and dedication out the window. It means simply that we are compassionate with ourselves. We understand that recovery is a process that's made up of many problems and setbacks. Failure is a teacher and can be the source of a lot of personal growth. When considered in this light, these little issues become part of your overall recovery process.. Several small successes over time are cumulative. Eventually our small successes begin to overwhelm any so-called failures and setbacks. Our lifestyle is evolving into a more healthy and satisfying way of being in this world.

So what if you succumbed to that piece of birthday cake at the office today. So what if you stopped for take out chicken on the way home. Count it as a vegetable and move on. Don't punish yourself and don't starve to try and make up for the extra calories. Just write it in your journal and move on. Next time perhaps you will have developed a better defense against those temptations. Perhaps you'll start eating a fresh apple at morning break to ease any hunger pangs. Maybe you'll read up on hydrogenated vegetable oils and trans-fats so that take out no longer sounds so enticing. Over time you'll get it down—as long as you don't give up.

Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything That's how the light gets in ~ Leonard Cohen

Never condemn yourself for eating poor quality foods or overeating. That's being unfair to yourself. See these situations for what they really are: opportunities to discover that future success lies in another strategy or direction. You are in recovery as long as you don't give up.

Focus

Perfectionistic thinkers tend to focus on the destination and not the process of accomplishing the task at hand. The idea is not to focus or dwell on the end result, but to focus on living in a healthy and constructive way right now. The more practiced you become at that daily task, the closer you will be to becoming the healthy person you want to be.

"Always remember that it is perfectly possible to be perfectly wonderful without being anywhere near perfect".  ~ Dr. Deborah Gross

Practice self compassion

When you're feeling good, sit down and write a letter to yourself to be read during the times when you feel like binging or not doing so well with your recovery.  What would the you who is doing well with her food want to say to the craving or binging you. I think you'd probably offer the you who isn't feeling so very good about herself, some very compassionate hope, reassurance, forgiveness, and love. Keep in mind that everyone, even the healthiest of people, occasionally overeat and even binge to some degree at times. That's "normal". A normal healthy diet can include some rather unhealthy foods.

I highly recommend a book called "Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works" by, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. It can really help get you started on the road to recovery. More Info. Also see the my page on intuitive eating.

• Key Concepts Index
• First Things First – Establishing a stable pattern of regular eating.
• Refuse to be "Powerless" — Realize that you do have choices. Don't give your power away.
• Become Health Centered – Focus on improving health. Weight loss is a byproduct.
• Keep A Journal Of Your Foods And Moods – Gaining awareness is empowering.
• Eat Like A Healthy Person – Eat healthy whole natural foods now.
• Empower Yourself – Use every tool and resource necessary.
• Educate Yourself – Become an expert on nutrition. Forget what the diet gurus say.
• Don't Go Hungry – Eat your way to optimum health. Hunger only leads to binges.
• Act As If – Act yourself into a new way of thinking. Action precedes motivation.
• Dump Perfectionism – Progress is good enough. We learn from our mistakes.
• Easy Does It – Practice moderation and have realistic goals. Practice self-compassion.
• One Day At A Time – Focus on today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Dave's web site is for informational purposes only and is not meant to serve as medical advice or to replace consultation with a professional dietician, nutritionist, physician, or mental health professional. None of the information presented on this web site is intended to diagnose, prescribe, or to administer to any medical ailments or conditions.