Acting as if

Hi All,

I used the "act as if" trick an awful lot in my early recovery from chemical dependency. There were times I'd lose faith that a Twelve Step program of recovery could actually work for me. I’d get discouraged. My symptoms and new meds were not cooperating. I kept getting cravings. I would have trouble handling all the new feelings sobriety allowed to pass into consciousness. My disease would be knocking at the door trying to tell me that I should isolate and give up. What I really needed was a faith infusion, but I really didn’t feel like going to a meeting to get one. A counselor once told me about “acting as if” and I’ve used her advice countless times to get me through the day. I would tell myself to “act as if” I had all the faith and courage in the world. I'd repeat "act as if" under my breath like a mantra. This would often spur me to get out of my house and get to a meeting or to make that phone call for support. Before I knew it I would realize that I had made it through another day without giving up.

I use this nifty little tool a lot when I’ve had things to do... mostly social things now because I still have a lot of social anxiety. It works just as well with things like mowing the lawn or getting the housework done. I may just not feel like doing something, or my anxiety is kicking up or perhaps some other feelings are getting in the way. If I can "act as if" I was made of stronger stuff or that my painful feelings are not bothering me that much, I find I can usually get through at least the most important parts of what really needs to get done. Eventually, I realize I really am made of the stronger stuff that allows me to cope because I'd have made it through a situation that was totally scaring me just a few hours before.

A lot of people use the "act as if" tool when they are trying to work Step Two. What "acting as if" does at that point is to allow them to leave the debating society behind and let loose of the internal theological arguments so they can freely examine the feelings and ideas of having and using a power greater than themselves. First they may ask themselves what they need and want from a higher or helping power and then they try to act as if they believed that the self-described higher and/or helping power(s) actually could supply them with their needs. Eventually they find good things happening as a result and over time true faith and trust develops. It isn't really the same thing as faking it or lying. It is using willingness to the max. This willingness is a sort of faith when you feel like you don't really have faith. In other words, faith in the Program even when you don't yet really understand it. You “act as if” and keep going.

I think we all have many inner resources and strengths that we may not know about or that we haven’t tapped into for a very long time due to our eating disorder, emotional problems, or other illnesses. Acting as if, may be just the motivation needed to develop and strengthen those coping skills. Acting as if is not the answer to all my problems. Sometimes I legitimately need to stay home and take care of myself. Sometimes I need to see my psychiatrist or doctor and discuss my feelings with them. I sure don’t want to take any unnecessary risks with my health or well-being, but it has really helped me on those many small issues of faith and motivation that occur so often in recovery.

Love, Dave Mar 17, 2001