Surrender

Hi __________,

Try using the terms powerless or surrender instead of helpless. The ancient concept OA is working with is the concept of surrender. It is one of the basic paradoxes in life, healing, and growth. Surrender begins with the acceptance that we are not really in control of the matter at hand anyway, in this case our eating and probably many elements of our life that are affected or chaotic as a result of our obsession with food. The harder I tried to control my eating the worse it got. My will-power could not stop a binge. All my best laid plans (diets) only got me to my top weight.

Somehow, to move ahead in recovery, we must let go of the many old non-workable preconceived notions we stubbornly cling to as if they were reality itself. A few examples: With just a little more will power we can fight this thing and win. If we just had the correct diet, we could lose all our extra weight and be happy again. Or, I can do this all by myself. Societies bias/stigma and the world of commercial advertising that bombards our everyday world makes these claims difficult to let go of.

The Big Book of AA puts it this way, "Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." Many alcoholics hang onto their old ideas right into the gates of insanity and death. They keep trying the same things or variations to control their drinking by themselves and getting the same results... drunk. That's not so different than me dieting myself up to my top weight.

Surrender is the turning point in healing. It's a deep level of acceptance of the reality of our situation coupled with "giving up" our old non-functional way of dealing with things. When we accept that we do have a progressive life-threatening illness and that it is affecting our lives negatively on many levels, then we can reach out for help, or "turn it over" to our higher and/or helping power(s). We become more humble and less self-centered. We learn that it's ok to ask for help and ok to try totally different things that may not fully make sense to us yet.

I like to envision the scene from the old Star Wars movie where Luke is fighting a light-saber battle with Darth Vader and losing badly. He is hanging onto a railing about ready to fall to what looks like certain doom. He hears the phrase by his mentor "trust the force Luke" and he just lets go and falls... ending up being saved by his comrades. Letting go — choosing the unknown and trusting "the force" — turned out to be his only real salvation.

Surrender in the spiritual and psychological sense is not helplessness or giving up. It is the exact opposite. It is the point at which healing can begin.

Love, Dave