The Second Step
Part 3 - Updated

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

I am grateful today that I no longer have to keep experiencing the same humiliations and failures over my eating disorder, food, and weight that I once did. I am grateful that I no longer have to sit by myself feeling so terribly alone, confused, and helpless, while I watched the scales go ever upward and my health spiral downward. Though the solutions I have found in the Twelve Steps are not always easy, I am grateful that with help, I have been able to get consistent results over time even though I have never been able to work a “perfect” program. The real change that the program has made in me is the ability to learn from my mistakes. Maybe not the first time I screw up, but eventually and lovingly. Each misstep or mistake is like a piece of a puzzle that adds up eventually to a picture that is complete and wonderful. No diets ever did that for me.

“Came to believe…”

The Second Step doesn’t say that a Power greater than ourselves “did” restore us to sanity. It says only that we “Came to believe” that one “could”.

The Big Book says on p. 45-46, "Some of us have been violently anti-religious. To others, the word "God" brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood. Perhaps we rejected this particular conception because it seemed inadequate...we look upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism."...."We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power.”

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Bill Wilson also wrote in the Grapevine, 03/62 “We admitted we couldn't lick alcohol with our own remaining resources, and so we accepted the further fact that dependence upon a Higher Power (if only our A.A. group) could do this hitherto impossible job. The moment we were able to accept these facts fully, our release from the alcohol compulsion had begun.”

So far this month we have explored the idea that we need to be restored to sanity and we have discussed some various ways of looking at a higher power. Now we get to the crux of the matter, our willingness to believe. Since we have admitted in the First Step that we had a serious problem that we couldn’t fix by ourselves, we are in a real fix if we don’t believe there is a way to get better. A brand new way that bypasses all the insane thinking that led to all our previous failed attempts, our top weight, and our compulsive eating/dieting in the first place. This new direction is achieved with an outside source of help we can call our higher power or helping powers or whatever we wish.

There is a saying I’ve seen floating around the Internet recovery/inspirational lists lately that says “God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it in the nest.” I believe that there is a profound message here that relates very much to the Second Step and recovery in general. The Twelve Steps are a plan of action. Recovery demands active participation, movement, effort, willingness, action, and more willingness. Whatever we choose as our higher power, it is still up to us to do the footwork. It is easy to learn the talk of recovery and “talk the talk” but “walking the walk” is a lot of work. Unless we actively work at changing our thinking and behavior (“to grow along spiritual lines”) I doubt any higher or helping power is going to just bless us with a transformative miracle that lifts our obsession. In my years around 12 Step groups I have never seen it happen… not once. You can’t sit in one place doing the same old thing over and over and expect a different result even with a higher power. So coming to believe is not as simple as just believing in the existence of God or some other conception of a power greater than ourselves. The phrase “to grow along spiritual lines” in the context of the 12 Steps, also implies and demands action and footwork from us. So when we “come to believe…” we do so with the understanding that no one, not even God, will do all of the required work for us. It is their guidance, support, and love, combined with our newfound willingness to follow direction and get out of our own way, which begins to get results. The Twelve Steps and the various tools of recovery are our responsibility to use and put into practice. This is what we really need to understand and come to believe. Step Two is not the “spiritual awakening” or “experience”, that is referred to in the Big Book. It is only the beginnings, or first act. The awakening is had, as told in the Twelfth and last Step, “as a result of these Steps.”

A lot of folks come into OA with a strong and enduring belief in God (or their faith), yet their compulsive overeating is out of control. Faith can always be deepened. Our relationship to our higher power(s) can always improve. More will always be revealed if we are in a condition that is receptive to that new information. What I am suggesting is that Step Two might be just as important to those individuals who have no doubts as those of us who are filled with doubt. It may take just as much Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness, for the devout believer as it does for the atheist, agnostic, or just plain confused. We all can grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. None of us are “there” yet—or, we wouldn’t need to be here.

In a letter written in 1966, Bill Wilson, cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous wrote: "…Yet we finally did make choices that brought about our recovery. We came to believe that alone we were powerless over alcohol. This was surely a choice, and a most difficult one. We came to believe that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity when we became willing to practice A.A.'s Twelve Steps." Notice that he said, “alone we were powerless” and that when WE became WILLING to PRACTICE the STEPS (do the footwork) a higher power could restore us to sanity. This makes sense whether your higher power is of a divine/metaphysical nature, or a very physical or human nature.

Now lets go back to the idea of insanity. Hopelessness can be part of that insane thinking. Thinking that there is no one out there who understands our pain and no one out there that is willing to help, is factually untrue. It may “feel” that way, but again, it is not true. The truth is that our illness and distorted thinking is keeping us from availing ourselves of the help that is widely available. This thinking builds depression, which begins to feed upon and perpetuate itself. Hopelessness is often an aspect of denial in these cases. Denial is a component of our eating disorder and a very powerful psychological defense mechanism. Hopelessness keeps us stuck in our own little world of binging and dieting, starving and purging, loneliness and shame. Step Two is about moving from a state of hopelessness to a state of believable hope. In OA, not eating compulsively is only one goal of recovery, but it is not recovery. Recovery is overcoming our food-related insanity by working the Steps and going to any lengths required to change our selves into the kind of people who no longer need to eat compulsively. Step Two is about believing that with help, this is all entirely possible.

Overcoming this sense of hopelessness can be a big part of working Step Two. Hopelessness, and believing that with help you can get better, are mutually exclusive ideas. That is not to say we can’t feel a combination of hopelessness and hopefulness, but that they displace each other like oil and water. Most of us have days or short periods of time where we think we feel hopeless. But if we were to unravel that short-term feeling it is usually some combination of things like guilt, anger, normal biological cycles, frustration, self-pity, and dissatisfaction. Most of us know the feeling of hopelessness that can come shortly after a binge. We throw our arms up in disgust and say we just can’t do it, but a few hours latter we are back to making health promoting food choices again. There is another type of hopelessness that is a symptom of clinical depression. Clinical depression is a treatable illness with a very good medical prognosis, but without treatment it can be chronic and debilitating. Clinical depression is not a sign of weakness or moral failing. A person with clinical depression cannot “pull themselves up by the bootstraps” or “just snap out of it.” It doesn’t matter which came first, the symptoms of compulsive overeating or the symptoms of depression. Once they are both active processes they both need to be treated concurrently. The only way to diagnose and treat clinical depression is to get help. If you suspect that you might have clinical depression please talk to your doctor about the possibility. It won’t solve all your problems but it may allow you to honestly feel hopeful—to come to believe you can overcome your compulsions—to feel some joy again.

So how is it that we “come to believe”? To a great measure it rests with our willingness. If we are willing to begin to learn new ways of thinking, if we are willing to let go of our old ways of doing things, if we are willing to choose sanity over insanity, if we are willing to keep an open mind, and to proceed on the faith and hope we see that others have who share at meetings, then we are well on our way with Step Two. We can’t begin to find real solutions to our old problems until we are willing to let go of our old solutions. They never worked for long anyway. As we travel the road of recovery our faith will grow, be it in our belief in a supreme being or in the wisdom and love of the Fellowship of Overeaters Anonymous, or what ever else we have chosen as our higher and/or helping power(s).

In recovery, our lives don’t improve drastically overnight. Most things don’t change right away. Even our faith in our chosen higher power can change, grow, and deepen over time. Step Two is like a seed we plant. Coming to believe is a state of mind that precedes the action required in some of the following steps. Before we can take action we must make decisions based on goals that we believe are possible. This gentle process is built into the Steps. Step Two moves us from feeling helpless to feeling hopeful. When we peel away enough of the layers of denial and depression to view our situation realistically, we see there is much reason for real hope. We are not alone. There are people who understand. There is help available. All of the failed efforts of the past no longer need dictate our thinking about the future, for we are choosing a brand new direction. A direction that includes many sources of help. Together We can Recover.

Questions for journaling and contemplation.