The Third Step
Part 1 - Updated

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

My name is Dave, I'm in recovery from compulsive overeating and Binge Eating Disorder. As I start sharing about the Third Step this month I would like to share with you something written by a cofounder of Overeaters Anonymous that is often shared at meetings.

“I put my hands in yours” or “Rozanne’s Prayer”

I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness; no longer must we each depend on our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.

Why Step Three is needed.

In Step One we figured out that by ourselves we didn’t have the power, know-how, or frame of reference to understand and solve our own eating problems. Our ego was deflated as we declared, “I can’t do this by myself.”

In Step Two we came to understand how distorted our relationship to food was. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could help us. We gained believable hope and the courage to move ahead.

In Step Three we decide to ask our chosen higher and/or helping power(s) for help—to accept and follow their expert advice. We become willing to cooperate. We become humble enough to draw on someone else’s wisdom and strength. Step Three is a turning point. We’ve identified the problem and identified a source of help. Now we begin to take action. We begin to move toward the vision of sanity and recovery that we began to form in Step Two.

On page 60 of the Big Book it says that if we are convinced of the following propositions we are ready for Step Three.

“(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.”
“(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.”
“(c) That God could and would if He were sought.”

If we are not thoroughly convinced, we should re-read the book to this point. If we do not agree absolutely with these three ideals, it is unlikely that we will be willing to do what is necessary to recover. On page 59, just before the Twelve Steps are written out it says, “Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.”

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc

Whether our higher power is of a divine nature or of the realm of the physical and tangible, our Third Step decision is vital to our recovery. We are unlikely to continue in our program of recovery if we have taken this decision lightly or passed it over.

Deciding to trust in and follow the advice of our higher or helping powers may sound simple, but it’s not always very easy. It goes against just about every natural inclination that we have been running on. In Step Three we let go of old ways of thinking and acting that don’t work for us, and we decide to let our higher power show us new and more effective methods to help us rebuild our lives in positive and caring ways. Step Three frees us from our limitations. We no longer have to keep running up against the same brick walls and getting the same dismal results. We choose a brand new direction under the attention and guidance of our higher and/or helping power(s). We quit trying to run the show by ourselves. Whether our higher power is of a divine nature, our OA group, or a combination of helping forces, we decide that using their broad vision and accumulated wisdom makes sense. Our self-will and best thinking only got us to our top weight, last binge, failed diet, more purging,  abuse of laxatives, and more out of control. It’s time to let go of our old ideas and let our higher power show us the way.

On page 40 of the AA book “Twelve Steps and Traditions” it says, “Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.'s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.” On page 34 is says, “Practicing Step Three is like the opening of a door which to all appearances is still closed and locked. All we need is a key, and the decision to swing the door open. There is only one key, and it is called willingness.” In a letter dated 1966, Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholic Anonymous writes, "We A.A.'s know the futility of trying to break the drinking obsession by will power alone. However, we do know that it takes great willingness to adopt A.A.'s Twelve Steps as a way of life that can restore us to sanity. No matter how grievous the alcohol obsession, we happily find that other vital choices can still be made. For example, we can choose to admit that we are personally powerless over alcohol; that dependence upon a 'Higher Power' is a necessity, even if this be simply dependence upon an A.A. group. Then we can choose to try for a life of honesty and humility, of selfless service to our fellows and to 'God as we understand Him.' As we continue to make these choices and so move toward these high aspirations, our sanity returns and the compulsion to drink vanishes." You can substitute the words compulsive overeating and food for alcoholism and alcohol if that helps bring Bill’s message closer to home. Imagine—the compulsion to overeat vanishes. I’ve heard a lot of extravagant claims made by the diet industry, but that one beats them all hands down. No scary side affects like the racing heart and unknown long-term side effects of diet pills or the heart valve damage that was associated with Phen-Fen. And it doesn’t cost anything.

Taking the Third Step is a starting point for setting our new life in motion. We can do it when we begin recovery. Then we can do it as needed. Our self-will, will continually make its presence known. Our self-centeredness and ego will probably always need some taming. The process of surrender happens not once, but again and again as we master a succession of lessons—lessons of healing, liberation, and love, that we learn by practicing the principles of the Steps in all our affairs.

I have to work on this Step on a continuing basis. It is part of my daily meditation and prayer routine, but a lot of times it is almost a minute-by-minute struggle for me. I have a heck of a rebellious streak and I tend to automatically want to discard many suggestions just because they sound too simplistic or I hear them from sources I consider non-valid in one way or another. For instance, for a period of months my rate of weight loss dropped to a crawl even though I wasn't binging and I was eating pretty healthy foods. I am not one who likes to weigh and measure because I tend to do it in an obsessive way. Anyway, I had heard someone at my OA group say that using a smaller plate can trick our brains into thinking that our portions are bigger because the food visually fills the smaller plate. I discarded this idea as being just plain stupid. I was smarter than that game! But for weeks the idea kept popping back into my head as I was preparing dinner each evening. I kept telling myself that such a silly idea had no merit. Then I heard the same idea on a TV program and really felt disgusted. I was irked by the too-clever way some diet gurus make the stupidest ideas sound like the key to this whole weight issue. Eventually, after hearing this idea a few more times in a few more places, I did finally surrender to the idea and switched from a 10-inch dinner plate to an 8-inch luncheon plate. Remarkably I started slowly and consistently dropping weight again by making only that single change. It was a painless, simple, and logical thing to do, but I had to first get willing to listen to the combined wisdom of other OA members instead of my own rebellious ego. My self-will and best thinking was hindering my progress once again. I had to make the decision to turn my will over to a higher authority. At that point I was again free to continue with my physical recovery.

Recovery is a day-by-day step-by-step process. Most of us work it on the 24-hour plan. What we cannot conceive of doing for the rest of our lives, we can manage to do just for today—just for these 24 hours I choose not to binge or abuse my body with food. We start again on the next day when it gets here. That’s how I have to handle this “turning it over” stuff. It is a matter of progress and not perfection.

Just for today I will seek guidance from my higher power.
Just for today I will be willing to listen. I will keep an open mind.
Just for today I will work the Steps to the best of my ability.
Just for today I will make health promoting food choices.
Just for today I will not take the first compulsive bite.
Just for today—Thy will, not mine, be done

Questions for journaling and contemplation.