The Third Step
Part 2 - Updated

My name is Dave, and I am gratefully recovering from Binge Eating Disorder and compulsive overeating. Please keep in mind that I am sharing my personal experience, interpretation, thinking, and feelings about the Steps. I don’t stick just to OA approved literature for my sources or references. It is my belief that the Steps are based on spiritual principles that are both more ancient and transcendent than any single 12 Step organization, organized spiritual belief system, or psychological model of human interaction and growth.

Made a decision…

There is a prayer on page 63 of the Big Book most people call, The Third Step Prayer. It goes: "God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" On page 26, of the N.A. book entitled, Narcotics Anonymous, is a different version, same concept, “Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live.”

Many people use a condensed version of this prayer throughout their day that goes, “Thy will, not mine.” They use it like a recovery slogan because it can help them keep self-will at bay—slow down tendencies for snap decisions and instant gratification—and keep them mindful about possible consequences. Other common recovery slogans that seems to fit this Step are “Let go and let God” and “Turn it Over.”

When I get an urge or craving and I am in a slippery place like a grocery store, shopping mall, or restaurant, I find those little slogans a lifesaver. To me it is just the fraction of time I need to ask myself if this compulsive food choice would be what my higher and/or helping power(s) would want for me. Is it a health promoting thing to purchase or eat. Usually the answer is NO. This gives me the power to make a decision—a choice. I know that my higher power and even my support group friends would not want me to binge. I know that my higher power designed food to be a fuel for my body and eating it is suppose to be a healthy and enjoyable experience to keep my body and brain functioning properly. If I eat that first compulsive bite, it will be an unhealthy self-defeating thing to do. My body does not need it for fuel nor does it need fuel of that poor quality (sugary fatty empty calories). In that fraction of a moment that it takes to say, “Thy will, not mine” I can usually halt the process of needing to indulge my every urge. I gain the power, strength, and maturity, to rise above the infantile demands for instant gratification. In that moment I can remember how I feel after a binge and refocus my attention to recovery.

For those of you who don’t like the term “God” or the, as we understood “Him” part of this Step, or the Thee and Thy of the Third Step Prayer, it’s completely legal to change the way this Step and prayer is written to suit your concept of a higher or helping power. How about “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our higher power as we understood it.” I’m not suggesting that you rewrite the Steps because that will only lead to pointless controversy at OA meetings as well as on the Internet. But for your personal use and practical application in your own life—make them work for you.

OA has a pamphlet called, “What if I do Not Believe in God?” In its introduction it says “Differences, regarding a spiritual concept, or lack thereof, need not keep us from working the program. As the Third Tradition states, if we have the desire to stop eating compulsively, there is a place for us in OA. Therefore, we need not explain or defend our individual beliefs even if they differ from the majority opinion.”

There is an alternative to Step Three. We can continue trying to control our eating, binging, and dieting by ourselves. We can live alone with our shame, our fear, our inner emptiness and confusion. We can choose to stay stuck. But rest assured, Step Three is like all the Steps. Once you break it down and understand it, you will find it is a gentle transformative process that demands only what you are already capable of. Above all, it is an eminently practical thing to do if you have taken the first two Steps and healing and growth on all levels are your desire.

The Third Step starts with these words. “Made a decision”. That is the action that this Step calls for. Once we understand that our self-will is what is keeping us miserable, we make a decision to align our will with our higher power’s. In the words of the Big Book of A.A., “We had to quit playing God. It didn’t work” (page 62). Freedom from “the bondage of self” is what we are seeking through Step Three. The way of freedom, we find, is by letting a higher power direct our lives. No, this does not mean we become hapless mind numbed robots. It does not mean we give up responsibility for our actions and our recovery. It is not an invitation to passivity. Quite the opposite is true. It means we find strength and wisdom from sources greater and more knowledgeable than ourselves. It means we begin to take full responsibility for our life choices. In Step Three, we "make a decision" between living in the problem or living in the solution. It means we have decided not to live at the mercy of our eating disorder. The only thing left is to begin putting that decision into action. This action is using the tools of recovery and working the rest of the Steps.

Most of us pick a higher and/or helping power(s) that are loving and supportive and wish the best for us. Many of us who are early in recovery are not yet very good at loving, unconditionally accepting, or nurturing ourselves in healthy and constructive ways. Often our higher power cares about our well-being and loves us more than we do. Because our higher and/or helping power(s) are more knowledgeable and understanding than we are. They can be better at guiding our lives and helping us to make good decisions on a day to day basis than we are.

One of the profound elements of this Step is that WE made the decision. For too long we've had many of our decisions made for us-by our compulsive eating disorder, by fear, or just by default because we didn't want the responsibility of deciding anything for ourselves. Here we can make a decision that is in our own best interest— a true decision that moves us toward health and wholeness.

“Made a decision to turn…” Step Three is an opportunity to redirect our lives from the self destructive and insane thinking and acting of our past to a new life-affirming, self-loving, higher powered model. We work at leaving the old ways and old thinking behind and focusing our attention on new ideas and new ways of thinking. Notice also that this Step does not say that we turned our will and our lives over to God as we understood Him. Only that we make a decision to do it. Of course a decision must be followed by action to be of much consequence. Making the decision to turn our will and lives over… as many times as it takes, even when our decision doesn't seem to be having any positive effect, is what Step Three is all about. It is the principle of commitment.

Questions for journaling and contemplation.