The Fourth Step
Part 2 - Updated

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

I hope that by now everyone has acquired a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous. If not, I urge you to get them right away. Your recovery is worth it. You are worth it!

Searching and fearless

Think back to Step Two when we talked about the insanity of the disease and back to Step One where we began to understand how the disease affected much more than our weight and physical health. It becomes clear that self-deception and denial are part of the a compulsive eating disorder. As recovering people we can ill afford to continue repeating the same old behaviors and same thought processes that caused us to abuse ourselves with food in the first place. We cannot live our lives filled with deep resentment, unresolved guilt, uncontrolled or repressed anger, and other pain or problem causing emotional baggage.

Approaching Step Four with an attitude that we are fearlessly searching for the truth that lays hidden under our more obvious feelings and actions is very helpful. In other words we don’t stop with “we were angry” but go on to ask ourselves, why were we angry. What part of our ego or feelings of security were threatened? Are we associating this situation with similar ones in the past and lashing out at one person for all of them? Why did we react the way we did? What were we afraid of? What element or character trait in us causes us to repeat this behavior again and again? How might we better handle the situation next time? It is not easy to peel back the layers to get at the core issues underneath. A half-hearted approach to the Fourth Step will be of little personal benefit. It takes courage and willingness to really search out the truth. I like to write out the 4th Step at the top of every page of 4th Step work I’m writing so I can be constantly reminded of the words “searching and fearless.”

A moral inventory

A moral inventory implies that we are looking at the nature of things in terms of, right and wrong—good and bad. The Big Book speaks of clearing the wreckage from the past and searching out our defects of character. It is an easy trap to fall into to focus solely on our wrongs, failures, mistakes, shortcomings, and all of the harmful things we might have done. But if we are to do this inventory with any real moral integrity, we must also claim our successes, our basic goodness, and identify our many strengths of character. After all, we are in a process of accepting ourselves—all of our "selves". The Fourth Step offers us the opportunity to reclaim all the good and healthy parts of ourselves and utilize them for our continuing recovery.

The Fourth Step is ultimately a positive, constructive—even liberating experience, but it is not easy. It can be demanding and even draining. It is important to pace yourself realistically and alternate between writing about character traits from both sides of the asset and liability line. It is totally acceptable to use an honest friend, a sponsor, or even a professional therapist, to help work this Step. I needed a lot of help initially to come up with anything positive about myself. It took me a lot of work to accept and believe the sincerity of my friends and therapist when they offered compliments or suggestions about my personal assets and strengths. I believe that for many of us, identifying and accepting as real, our own assets and strengths is as much work as finding our weakness and faults.

Identifying Assets

If we know what strengths and resources we have to work with, we will know better how to carry out our recovery. Some of us have thought we did not have many assets. We thought of ourselves as failures. Yet by doing an honest inventory, we gradually recognize what assets we do have. We examine both our internal and external assets. Our internal assets are our beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and strengths that can help us in our recovery. Our external assets would be our support structure, recovery tools, OA home group, and even our doctors and other professionals.

Many of us have a difficult time identifying positive things about our selves. It can feel almost painful to receive compliments or acknowledge the special strengths and traits that endear us to our family and friends. We treat compliments like a hot potato. Unfortunately this is not usually a true humility. It is a liability we need to work at clearing up. Perhaps our self-esteem is an area we need to improve. To begin with we can start asking ourselves some questions. What are your finest achievements? Think of those times when you followed through on something and lived up to your own highest ideals and values. When were you generous or courageous? Who are the people you care about and why? What times were you able to be vulnerable, caring, and intimate? Have you ever been selfless or non-judgmental? Do you accept or love anyone on a non-conditional basis? Are you kind to animals or people who are less fortunate than yourself? Do you have artistic skills or talents that help bring joy into your life and the lives of others? Have you been good with money and responsible in the past? What are your strengths as a parent, a wife or husband or as a brother or sister? What assets do you take to your job or career?

Step Four is a good place to practice our thoroughness, honesty, and willingness to change. Writing down our internal and external assets helps us get an honest and clear picture of what we have to work with and who we are. Sometimes it helps to start our Fourth Step sessions by writing out a gratitude list. I’ve found that doing so often puts me in a much more constructive state of mind. I also try to set a time limit for sessions of usually 30 to 45 minutes a day. Consistency pays off but we must guard against becoming obsessed with this process.

Questions for journaling and contemplation.

1. Why is it important to take a balance view of yourself?

2. What does it mean to me to be searching and fearless?