The Fifth Step
Part 3 - Updated

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Some people start sharing their Fifth Step with another person by saying the Third Step Prayer out loud (Big Book, page 63). For many, this seems to have a remarkable calming affect on the session and several people have told me that is was like opening a door so they could step through and actually share all the things they discovered about themselves in the Fourth Step with another person. It dropped a lot of their reservations, anxieties, and hesitation and created a more intimate, safe feeling mood.

And the Truth shall set you free

A common feature of true recovery is the unmasking of our true self. In our disease most of us had erected and maintained barriers to hide our authentic selves behind. These “masks” lead to a sort of psychic withdrawal or sense of deep isolation. Oftentimes this is a completely unconscious process that leaves us with a certain unnamable spiritual emptiness that faith alone cannot heal. We may have a vague sense of being disconnected and unreal somehow—often to the point that we can’t even identify or fully feel all of our own emotions. Unfortunately this false self we hide behind to protect our egos also hinders our abilities to experience authentic intimacy and inhibits our socialization. It can cause us to feel unworthy and “less-than.”

Throughout our Step work we have been cultivating the honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness that is essential for our ongoing recovery. We are paving the way to find out who we really are. In sharing our Fourth Step work with another human we find the courage and humility to illuminate this false self for the first time. We then can begin to let go the need for such masks. We can then begin to find comfort in the fact that we are fallible mistake-prone beings just like everybody else. Out of our worst fears and perceived weaknesses comes our most enduring strength.

When we speak to the person we share our 5th Step with of our past, the things we are ashamed of, our “wrongs” and our unresolved resentments, we further our recovery. We are in essence, growing ourselves into the healthy human beings we deserve to be. The famous psychiatrist, Carl Jung, wrote in his book, ‘The Practice of Psychotherapy’ — “The beginnings of psychoanalysis are in fact nothing else than the scientific rediscovery of an ancient truth; even the name that was given to the earliest method—catharsis, or cleansing—is a familiar term in the classical rites of initiation… I must have a dark side too if I am to be whole; and by becoming conscious of my shadow I remember once more that I am a human being like any other…. Through confession I throw myself into the arms of humanity again, freed at last from the burden of moral exile. The goal of the cathartic method is full confession—not merely the intellectual recognition of the facts with the head, but their confirmation by the heart and the actual release of suppressed emotions.”

I hope that isn’t too dry and stodgy sounding but it helps to make the point that the face to face sharing that is such a big part of this Step, makes us more whole and authentic. Instead of the embarrassing and shameful experience that we might think—it turns out to be just the opposite. It also helps explain why the authors of the Big Book tell us that the inventory we did in our Fourth Step was rarely enough—was insufficient to keep us sober without this additional action.

Admitted to God

In recovery we are learning to live a life where the spiritual touches our everyday life or intersects it on an ongoing basis. We “practice these principles in all our affairs.” When we are able to admit the exact nature of our wrongs to the higher power of our understanding we affirm this spiritual connection and purpose in a very personal and meaningful way. Those of us that use our OA group or some other combination of helping powers, will find a creative way to do this part of Step Five, much like I did as I explained last week when I shared mine with my old dog Taco. Sponsors are usually very good at giving us ideas on the best ways to fulfill the suggestions within each Step.

To ourselves

It is our innermost being that needs to overcome all denial about our disease. This is the “self” who must know the truth of our nature, patterns, idiosyncrasies, maladaptive behaviors, and inappropriate coping mechanisms, if change and healing is to become possible. This “surrender” gives birth to the willingness to proceed with the rest of the Steps.

Another human being

The purpose of sharing what you learned about yourself from your Fourth Step with another human being is not for someone to judge you, but so that they can help you know yourself better and get some perspective on where you are going in the program from here on. They are a guide who has experience with this process. They must be willing to listen with an open heart because others have previously listened to them in the same way. They share their own humanity. Hearing someone's Fifth Step is a life affirming privilege. If we share with another program person, the listener is doing Twelfth Step work and thereby adding to his or her own recovery. Keep in mind what we came to believe in our Second Step—that we couldn’t do this program alone. Step Five is a demonstration of our commitment to this spiritual principle.

Questions for journaling and contemplation.

1. How does the Fifth Step reaffirm the decision you made in the Third Step?

2. Do you have a special way planned out to share this Step with your higher power?