Perfectionism and perfectionistic thinking

Perfectionistic thinking is a pattern whereby a person considers their efforts to be either entirely perfect or entirely worthless.

Perfectionism, as it applies to shedding my excess weight, was one of my biggest roadblocks to success. I always felt that I had to "diet" perfectly. I'd use any small deviation from my food or diet plan to justify a full out binge. I'd never really get started on the road to recovery because sometime during the day I'd fudge just a little. After that I'd tell myself that I'd already blown it so I might as well go ahead and binge one last glorious time. I'd justify the binge by telling myself that I'd start for real, tomorrow. Of course, I usually would replay this scenario the following day and in effect, tomorrow would never come. I call this the "I'll start tomorrow syndrome." I was stuck in the quagmire of All or Nothing Thinking.

Recovery from Binge Eating Disorder and compulsive overeating is not a black or white, all or nothing thing. When I seek progress instead of perfection,  I can actually make some real progress. I don't have to continually live just one bite away from failure.

It took me several years to figure out that recovery from Binge Eating Disorder, compulsive overeating, and severe obesity, happens in the gray areas between black and white. If I was ever to recover, I had to accept the fact that my recovery process was going to be a little messy; that I would have an extra large serving or an unplanned for treat now and again.

Failure – I think not!

Thomas Edison did not resent failed experiments. He said of a failure, "That's one more way it won't work, so we're closer to a solution." Edison was certainly achievement oriented, but he was by no means a perfectionist. He was willing to accept his mistakes as part of a process and move on. He said, "I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward."

Imagine for a moment if Edison were a perfectionist. How would he ever handle the multiple failures he had before he developed a working example of one of his many inventions? He wouldn't have been able to tolerate the failures. He might have given up too soon or for fear of failure, never have tried at all.

Edison did not condemn himself for his failed experiments. To him they were like a springboard to help him reach his goals. He learned a lot about solutions by learning about what didn't work. This was an essential lesson I had to learn if I was ever going to lose weight and deal with my Binge Eating Disorder in a healthy and constructive way.

Recovery is a process

To gain any traction and healing, I had to start giving myself permission to be imperfect—to recover imperfectly. That didn't mean I could throw discipline and dedication out the window. It meant simply that I needed to be more compassionate with myself. Recovery is a process that's made up of many problems, lapses, and setbacks. They can be part of my learning and growth process if I forgive myself and look for patterns and insight. When I began to consider them in this light, they became part of my overall recovery process.

Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.
        ~ Leonard Cohen

So what if I succumbed to that piece of birthday cake today. So what if I stopped for take-out chicken on the way home. I don't have to let that halt my recovery. I don't have to punish myself or starve to try and make up for the extra calories. I can count it as a vegetable and move on.