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All or Nothing Thinking |
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You look at things in absolute, black and white categories; shades of gray do not exist |
Untwisted Thinking
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In All or Nothing thinking
you look at things in absolute, black and white categories; shades of gray do
not exist. Things are either all good or all bad, 100% right or completely
wrong. You are either dieting, or you aren't. Small indulgences will destroy the
whole day's efforts. |
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Unrealistic or twisted thoughts |
Realistic, untwisted responses |
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"I
slipped up and had that cookie at lunch. I've blown it for today. I might as well
go ahead and binge." |
"That cookie was a nice treat. I'm grateful I was able to stop at one."
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"I can't deal with rejection." |
"I don't like to be rejected,
no one does, but I'll get through it." |
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"I binged at lunch so there's
no point in having a healthy dinner. |
"Yes, I binged. I can use this as a learning experience. If I do that and move on, it
becomes part of my recovery process" |
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"I'm not an athlete. I hate
exercise!" |
"Increasing my activity level
does not require me to be an athlete." |
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"If I can't do this perfectly, I might as
well not try." |
"Recovery is a process that I
am growing into. Mistakes are part of the process of learning." |
This type of thinking leads people to give up when there is no
need for them to do so. One cookie or even one binge is nothing more than a
cookie or a binge—a small bump in the road to
recovery.
All or Nothing thinking is
sometimes called, dichotomous thinking. It stems most often from
perfectionism. We set a standard for ourselves
or others, that generally can't be met or maintained. When our expectations
don't get met, we only see absolute failure.
It's simply a
fact of life—we all make mistakes. Life
is a learning process and nobody is perfect. Overcoming binge eating
disorder and shedding our extra weight is a learning process. We learn almost
everything in life by making a series of small mistakes. That's how life works. You will be less
likely to view a single instance of overeating as a huge failure if you define
success as more than losing weight or reaching some number on the scale. [See
related article on being Health
Centered]
The idea of
either being ON or OFF of a diet is also a form of all or nothing thinking. It
tends to lead to a person either feeling deprived when they are ON their diet,
and overeating when they are OFF their diet. This is a setup for falling into
the yo-yo diet trap. A more rational and helpful way is to begin the process of
improving your overall diet and the way you relate to food. There is no ON or OFF,
just slow steady progress toward overcoming binge eating disorder.
The same goes
for exercise. We don't have to join a gym and lift weights and jump rope or do
nothing. We don't even have to "love" to exercise we can just tolerate some of
it. We can start small in the privacy of our own home. You don't have to be an
athlete to get up and take a short walk. Don't be afraid to take baby steps. The
longest journey starts with the first small step.
The "Now
I've blown it" trap
Perhaps the
most common type of all or nothing thinking is the problem of binging after even
a small lapse or "infraction" in an eating plan. Rigid food plans and the idea of
maintaining strict
abstinence, often seen as the measure of success in OA, tend to
trigger this phenomenon. When we break one of our self-imposed eating rules,
the common all or nothing thinking goes that since we've already "blown it" we might as well go
ahead and continue to overeat or binge. If
one of our rules was not to eat any more of our favorite cookies and we go ahead
and eat one anyway, this type of thinking leads to eating more cookies and
perhaps a full blown binge. A more rational thought after eating the first
cookie would be to tell yourself that one cookie won't make anyone gain weight,
but the whole package will. It's better to just give yourself permission to have
a cookie once in awhile.
Of course,
All or Nothing thinking isn't just about developing a healthy relationship with
food, we may be engaging in All or Nothing thinking in the rest of our lives
too. It is a type of automatic thinking that feeds low self-esteem and
depression. It can lead to procrastination and indecisiveness. It can keep us
from starting or completing projects. The truth is, life happens in that messy
area between all or nothing, black and white. When we learn to accept the shades of gray in
ourselves and our world, we release a huge store of energy that we can spend on
our recovery and the enjoyment of life.
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Abstinence in Overeaters Anonymous
In OA, Abstinence is defined as the act of not eating compulsively.
The concept of abstinence in OA can be useful but it can also be a roadblock to
success for binge eaters.
Abstinence is usually presented and discussed in All
or Nothing terms; if one isn't abstinent, they are not in recovery. It works
well for alcoholics in AA, but may not be the best model for overeaters. At
least if the concept is taken literally. A drunk person certainly isn't working
toward positive healthy goals while they are inebriated, but a person in OA who
is trying to recover from binge eating disorder or compulsive overeating
certainly can be progressing on many levels, even when their food isn't perfect.
If you choose to incorporate Overeaters Anonymous into your personal recovery,
please don't let the concept of abstinence become a roadblock to your progress.
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Dave's Journey to Fitness