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Personalization and Blame |
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You blame yourself (personalization) or others (blame) in a judgmental way |
Cognitive Distortions
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In Personalization and Blame
you take or delegate responsibility for negatives even though it's not
warranted. You assume that what happened reflects your own shortcomings which
leads you to feel unnecessary guilt. |
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Unrealistic or twisted thoughts |
Realistic, untwisted responses |
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"I made Caroline mad
because I said I didn't like the OA meeting she took me to." |
"I have a right to my
thoughts and feelings. I have no control over the way she chooses to think and
feel about that."
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"My mom caused me to
get fat. She's the reason I overeat to this day." |
"I'm an adult now and
can choose any direction I want. I'm responsible for my own recovery." |
Personalization is the mother of guilt! Taking responsibility for events that we
didn't and don't have control over can be a paralyzing burden to carry. Many
times, we confuse having some influence over other people as having control.
In fact, what other adults do is their responsibility. We simply cannot control
them, their feelings, or the consequences that result due to the decisions they
make. We can influence other people certainly, but they decide how they react to
what we say and do.
When we Blame
others for our problems with food and weight, we are giving away our power to
heal and grow. We are, in effect, giving someone else the responsibility for our
eating disorder. We can acknowledge past abuse and other issues without using
them as an excuse. Letting go of blame allows us to empower our own recovery.
This way we can grow as a person and become the healthy whole adult that we are
meant to be.
Ask yourself, what is really your area of responsibility? Behind both
personalization and blame lay the assumption that if anything goes
wrong, it must be somebody's fault. But a lot of what happens in life is
nobodies fault, it is morally neutral. This includes many, if not most,
mistakes. Mistakes are part of the human condition. If we accept them as part of
the process of learning and growth we gain wisdom and the power to move on.
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Dave's Journey to Fitness